Well..... I have a difficult journey ahead of me, but you all know me. I am a very strong and stubborn person. I guess being stubborn is a good thing right now. I will not let the ball get dropped on my care. I will do it in a nice way though. You all know that. I will keep my OCD journal documenting all the details of my care down to the exact time I must take whichever medication. Brooke and Jarrett only know I will be having surgery. I feel like if I say the word cancer Brooke will have a hard time understanding that I am ok and will be ok. Jarrett is worried about me and I guess I need to find a book to read to him so he'll understand I'm ok. Brooke acts like it is a routine thing to have surgery. It probably is to her since I've had an absolute ton of them. LOL. I'm not sure how Ashley is taking it. My parents told her and she was very quiet when I talked to her the other day. She is old enough to understand the severity of cancer and I hope all of the good news is helping her. Cheer will be a good thing to keep her mind off me and my problems. She should have no guilt over moving b/c it makes me feel good to know she is being taken care of and has found some really great friends up there. I would not change a thing about her moving. Don't get me wrong I miss her, but I am totally at peace with the situation b/c it is a good thing. I meet Monday with one of my doctors about a prophalactic masectomy on the other side and my main surgeon Tuesday to schedule my surgery. I have trouble understanding how mine is contained since it covers 3/4 of one side, but I am accepting the GREATTTTTT news. I am just trying to make arrangements right now b/c you know life stops at my house when Momma stops. HaHa. I am organizing our finances, cleaning the house b/c I figure I'll have visitors, planning the kids lives for the next few weeks so it will be easier for hubby to follow their schedule if it is mapped out and written down. I am alot better now that I met with the surgeon. I can at least talk about it without crying. At first I took it really hard, but it is getting easier to accept and talk about. That is why I have been communicating by email alot b/c in person is way too hard. I did have a rough evening last night, but that is my fault b/c I watched the season finale of my favorite show Grey's anatomy. Yeah I couldn't miss that even if it did upset me a little. I lovvvvveeeee that show. All in all life is great!!!! And God is great. I find myself trusting his decisions in my life b/c I see he is the one helping me through this. He is the one who told me to find it. He is the one who told me not to wait 2 weeks for an appt and to not put it off. He is the one who kept trying to get me to prepare my hubby even when I didn't think it would be anything. When he speaks to me I feel total peace about whatever the situation may be. I have never really felt this before and do not know how to explain it in words. I just know it feels great. Love you all and thank you soooo much for praying for me and my family.
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