I am super nervous about work tomorrow. Since my dr appt Friday I have been in bad pain. I haven't taken a pain pill in about 3 weeks until this weekend. I have been living on them just to be confortable. I am already commited to going to work b/c I wanted to. I didn't know I would feel very bad after this past friday's appt. If tomorrow goes rough I may call the doctor and ask for more pain pills and go back in and have him write me off work for another week. I am going to try super hard, but I am scared b/c he only sees patients on Monday and Fridays and what if I give myself to Tuesday or Wed and can't get him to write me off if I really need it. I need to work super bad, but I felt so bad I did nothing this whole weekend and I didn't even go to church this weekend. I barely even got off the couch. I felt so sorry for Jason. He wanted to eat at Chili's for father's day with me, but I could barely function enough to ride to get PeeGee's. I can't sleep and I can't get comfortable at all. My back even hurts b/c I can't staighten my shoulders. Dr. Mickel said this was normal and painful. I am going to try to get a new battery for my TIMS unit and see if that helps my backache. I can't even get comfortable in the recliner, bed, or in any position. Friday night I had to take 2 pain pills and a valium just to get comfortable enough to stop freaking out with the pain. I don't understand why now is worse than a few weeks earlier. I guess the muscles are being pulled from the bones and are being stretched out along with the skin and that is highly painful. I am so sorry this is such a negative post. I just feel the need to vent my fears about what is happening at this moment.I'll try to be more positive next time. Everyone needs a down time every now and again. :)

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New family pics

Jarrett getting his WeeBall trophy. Age 4 1/2. What he learned either myself or another parent taught him... not his coach. Rough year is all I'll say.
Jarrett finally conquered his fear and will play in the playzones. This is him at his WeeBall party.

Brooke is my little fashion designer. Mom said while she was in Tennessee with them she would play dress-up and make many different outfits and prance around posing. I love this outfit and picture. She is super cute.

Here is the kids looking at their new found friend.... Mr. Turtle. This is a funny story. I was seperating girl scout cookie przes with some friends and Jarrett came in telling me about the turtle. Well I am always encouraging him to pick up and not be afraid of things like turtles, frogs, etc. I told him to go bring it to me so I could see. He looked at me confused and said he couldn't. I gave him his bug box and told him to put it in there so he wouldn't have to hold it very long. Well when he brought it in for me to see and opened the lid it completely took up the whole box. Yeah it was a big turtle. I was expecting a baby turtle, but not one this size.

Here is my big boy learning to pick up the turtle.

Here's Brooke picking it up also.

Here is Brooke with her A average school trophy and certificate. I am super proud of her!!! Keep up the good work Brooke and you can be whatever you want to be in life.

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Great Family Weekend

I have had an awesome weekend. I tried to get more up and about so when I go back to work it won't be so rough. I was ok as long as I sat down quite often. Sat. my Mom & Dad carried Brooke to her ball party at kiroli park & Jason and Ashley carried Jarrett to his. I will post pics tomorrow after I load them from my Dad's camera as well as mine. They each got a trophy and Brooke got one of the 4 game balls for being the MVP & not missing any games. She was super excited. I am going to find some way in our family/sunroom to display their trophies & ball pictures that are super cute. After the parties my parents picked me up and took me to the mall. I didn't feel like shopping so after we ate the kids and I went and saw "Up" while my parents shopped. After that we went to my grandparents house where my parents cooked us a glutean free meal and we watched an alligator swim around the pier. Today Ashley fixed my hair and we went to church. I am ok as long as I don't have to walk long distances. By the time church was over I was super ready to go home and rest. I saw all of my dear friends that have been so helpful to us in our time of need. After Jarrett and my nap we went back to my grandparent's house visited and watched the alligator feed on some fish. The kids love that!!! It's like having our own little zoo. Afterwards we went grocery shopping and all I did was point, but I over did it. By the end I was in pure misery. I am now in bed resting and watching TV. Hope my strength & pain gets better so I won't worry about how I am going to feel at work. Well I better go to bed. Be sure to check out the pictures tomorrow.

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Doctor update

Rough doctor appt today. I got my last drain out. Yeahhhh!!!! I got my stitches taken out today, but... I got new ones on the left side. So I am sore again pretty bad. I'll get used to it soon I hope. I found out today that I would probably have a 6 week recovery time after the trans flap reconstruction surgery. I am really dreading that, but I won't think about it again until it is time in several months. I didn't get a chance to ask when I can return to work and to what extent. I did ask at the last appt last Friday and he said not for another 2 weeks. We'll see. I am torn. I am super sore still, but I am also over here w/o a paycheck having to pay doctor bills and household bills. I am in the middle of a catch 22. Maybe this upcoming week I will improve greatly and will feel ok with returning back to work, but at this moment I am very nervous about it. Ok enough about work. I better go visit with my family. I am super enjoyng this extra time with my family. I hate that it is in these circumstances. I'm glad it's me and not anyone else in my family. I can handle this b/c I feel in control of this and my treatment. I will post again after my radiology oncology appt Tuesday. Thank you all super much for all you have done for my family and me from the food to the prayers. We really appreciate it. Thanks

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Dr. visits

Well the day started off with a visit to the American Cancer Society per my doctors request. I got a good book to read to Brooke explaining cancer and alot that I have been through and will be going through along with alot of pamplets. Then I had an appt with Dr. Long. She answered alot of our questions with ask the radiology oncologist so still a few unanswered questions about PET scans and ways I'll be monitored afterwards to be sure to catch it early if it comes back. She did say I'll have to check my calcium level to monitor my bones to see if it might reoccur there. Also she said to check my liver enzymes for reoccurence there. Chest X-rays will monitor my lungs. I really want a PET scan and maybe I can get my radiology oncologist to order one. She checked my surgery scars and said Dr. Mickel will release me back to work when he feels I am ready. She has turned my care over to him for the time being. We then went to the appt with him and he took out one drain. I still unfortunately have one drain left and he said I can't return back to work for at least another 2 weeks. I hopefully will get my last drain out next Friday. His nurse gave me strict orders not to do anything with my right arm at all for 24 hours b/c when she removed the drain she had trouble getting it to stop bleeding/draining. After our appt my parents and I went to eat at my friend Ashley White's new restaurant "The Bake Shoppe" on Trenton street. It was super good. I have a little appetitte so I didn't try desert, but I did eat a good portion of my meal. Then since I can lay on my grandparents couch as well as I can my own we went to my grandmother's house so my parents could babysit me and my grandmother at the same time. She just got out of the hospital dx with Celiac disease and she can't eat anything with flour or wheat in it which is ALOT. Dad cooked us a good glutean free supper and helped keep Jarrett from getting near me. Brooke has been spending time with my parents every evening so it was super good to spend alot of time with her. She went swimming Thursday at daycare and has a little cold starting up. She is lovinggggggg her new daycare. Her legs are super sore from exercising daily, but she loves it. They are going skating Monday. Sorry this was such a long posting. My weekend will be pretty uneventful. My parents rented me 2 movies and that sounds like it is about it for me. Maybe I'll be babysat at my grandparents again on their couch for a change of scenory (spp?) and good company.

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Pre-K???

Well today we got my hair washed and while we were out we went by and filled out paperwork for Jarrett to be put on the waiting list for Pre-K at Crosley. I had not even thought of Pre-K until all of this medical stuff hit me and made daycare costs a real problem. It sounds very hopefull. If it is in God's will that is where Jarrett will go to Pre-K. I really hope it is!!!! It looks like a great place. It has just Pre-K and Kindergarten at that school. I love where we are at, but with all of these mounting doctor bills having no daycare costs will help out tremendously. I will be praying for God to make this as stress free as possible with all of the doctor bills and no paychecks right now. I'll just pray for him to guide me right now on what to do when what and where.

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Great news

Super great news. No chemo!!!!! I will have to have radiation, but no chemo. The tumor board met today and decided that I need radiation, but no chemo. They will monitor me frequently to make sure it has not reoccured. I will find out more details at my appt Thursday. Hubby wants me to take chemo anyway. Maybe the dr can reassure him why I don't need it. Good day yesterday and night. So far each day is getting better and better. Still can't get up and down easily, but that will fix itself each day as I heal. Radiation will change reconstruction, but I will find out details Friday. I am not vain. I value my health alot more than my looks. I will not deny any treatments they recommend. Yeahhhhhh. I will rejoice and be glad in it!!! Thank you for all of your prayers!!!! Love you.

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Good day

Rough night, but good day. Went and saw the doctor and got some reassurance that all is going well and normal. Rented 2 funny movies and Dad cooked my fav roast and chocolate oatmeal cookies. Once I start chemo I can't have red meat & spicy so red meat & spicy here I come until I have to give ya up. Brooke had a fun exhausting day at daycare. She likes when they do baseball stuff at daycare she just doesn't like it when they exercise.lol That is just what the doctor would order. Beats being a couch potato. They will be going to the zoo tomorrow and swimming Thursday. This daycare is super good for her health. I am so glad I found it. Jarrett should be home soon too. He cracks me up and helps keep my mind off any pain or discomfort I am dealing with. My parents had a talk with Brooke about my cancer b/c someone told her and we felt she should know from us so she won't worry. Now she points out all of the cancer commercials to me with a smile. I'll take her and we'll walk in the Susan Komen walk this year with one of my friends. She'll enjoy helping me with this. We volunteer every year in the relay 4 life. I want it to be second nature for my children to volunteer. Maybe they will pass it on to their kids as well. My Dad taught me to volunteer for the MDA and I am passing it onto mine for cancer research.

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